Dear Hubcap,
I know that you didn't want to stay on in California, so my grandma stuck you in the trunk. Here in Utah, my dad put you back on your wheel. Well, the next time I took you driving, you decided to fall off on some random road in Orem. And I left you there. I will not pamper you like my grandma did. It was your choice to fall off my car, so you will live on that random road. And probably get run over by a new driver like me. Or a semi driver that shows no mercy. I don't know where you are now, you could be in a dumpster all alone, or in some crazy old butler's 'Hubcaps of the World' collection. But you will always have a special place in my heart. I'll never let another hubcap fill your space.
Love,
Me
~M.B.~
Thursday, June 27, 2013
The constant pains of my life
I've gotten over my depression and sadness mostly lately. Now I am suffering through the physical pains brought on by the major trauma my body went through. I get intestinal pains 24/7. The pain isn't super bad, but it sure does wear down on you after a week and a half. I went to the doctor, and really the only thing I can do is get on a regular eating, sleeping and exercise schedule and wait it out. I have watched soooo much Netflix lately, it's started to become boring. I guess you could say that I'm bored of summer...already. I haven't seen much of my friends because...let's see...one of them lifeguards at the pool, one of them is in Colorado, one of them is doing I-don't-know-what at I-don't-know-where, a bunch of them are interning at the Discovery Space Center like all the time....Which reminds me...My soul has been reclaimed by the Discovery Space Center. I decided to go back and intern there for a few reasons:
1) I can't technically "volunteer" because my grades aren't good enough and will probably never be
2) My mom says I need to do something else with my summer besides watch The Office and Disney shows all day
3) I do kinda miss shooting children and doing the randomest of things inside a room modeled to look like a space ship
So...yeah...that's why I'm back there. Also, I'm really confused about what's going on at the original Space Center at Central Elementary. They opened for the summer for camps, they just can't have the kids spend the night. I've tried emailing the new director, but I haven't heard back from her in like a month...so...who knows? The previous director, Mr. Williamson, has moved on to another project at Renaissance Academy in Lehi, but he's still put himself in charge of all of the volunteer programs at Discovery and Central. I personally think that he needs to let go because it should be the responsibility of each space center to separately maintain their own volunteer programs and adjust them to their needs, but my opinion probably won't change anything.
On another note, something I've been fond of lately is going on scooter rides. And yes, I mean a push scooter. I do feel kind of like a young elementary school kid again whenever I ride it places. It's quite useful for getting exercise when I have a place I need to go that's either in my city, or in neighboring ones. My grandparents are moving soon though, so they have 2 old bikes in their basement and I will claim one of them for myself so I can go longer distances. I'm planning on maybe going up to the BYU Museum of Art with it, and maybe just wandering around all the cool buildings on campus. I will finally be able to go and appreciate art in a museum without my little brother around to disturb the peace.
Well, I think I might go on a scooter ride soon. I just have to decide, should I go to the cemetery, or to the temple?
~M.B.~
1) I can't technically "volunteer" because my grades aren't good enough and will probably never be
2) My mom says I need to do something else with my summer besides watch The Office and Disney shows all day
3) I do kinda miss shooting children and doing the randomest of things inside a room modeled to look like a space ship
So...yeah...that's why I'm back there. Also, I'm really confused about what's going on at the original Space Center at Central Elementary. They opened for the summer for camps, they just can't have the kids spend the night. I've tried emailing the new director, but I haven't heard back from her in like a month...so...who knows? The previous director, Mr. Williamson, has moved on to another project at Renaissance Academy in Lehi, but he's still put himself in charge of all of the volunteer programs at Discovery and Central. I personally think that he needs to let go because it should be the responsibility of each space center to separately maintain their own volunteer programs and adjust them to their needs, but my opinion probably won't change anything.
On another note, something I've been fond of lately is going on scooter rides. And yes, I mean a push scooter. I do feel kind of like a young elementary school kid again whenever I ride it places. It's quite useful for getting exercise when I have a place I need to go that's either in my city, or in neighboring ones. My grandparents are moving soon though, so they have 2 old bikes in their basement and I will claim one of them for myself so I can go longer distances. I'm planning on maybe going up to the BYU Museum of Art with it, and maybe just wandering around all the cool buildings on campus. I will finally be able to go and appreciate art in a museum without my little brother around to disturb the peace.
Well, I think I might go on a scooter ride soon. I just have to decide, should I go to the cemetery, or to the temple?
~M.B.~
Thursday, June 13, 2013
I'm gonna kinda rant a bit right now
Well, about 3 and a half weeks ago, my dear and best friend Logan committed suicide.. I'm not going to go into much detail about it here, cuz I only trust certain people with all the personal feelings and emotions that have been going on in my head lately. I am going to rant about something though: people that try to understand or comfort people in situations they know absolutely nothing about.
Now these people usually tend to act on a know-it-all way, which really makes me want to just slap them in the face. I haven't been to Young Women's in my ward since this all happened because all of the leaders and the girls act in just this way. There are kind of two halves to this that I've been seeing. 1) They all think that because my best friend committed suicide I'm at super high risk of it
2) They think that I can just suddenly be happy again
Now with 1) it really bugs me a lot. They keep trying to tell me I'm a child of God and I should never forget my worth. Well, great, but I already know that. I've kinda been LDS my whole life, and I've had what you just said ground into my head for the past 16 years. And I must point out that the 3 suicides that have occurred in PG over the past school year have had no relation to each other, in other words, none of them knew each other personally. I really hate when people get themselves all psyched out that I'm going to kill myself or something and so they try to preach to me 24/7 and drown me in quotes about life, and keep sharp/dangerous objects away from me. Like seriously people, could you get any less logical? I'm not going to sporadically stab myself while I'm cutting a watermelon or anything.
Now, 2). The cliche thing for LDS people to say after someone is affected by a death seems to be, "Don't worry, you'll see them again. Just be happy." Now I realize that that is just about the worst thing to say to someone that is dealing with this. My best friend, one of the joys of my life who made laugh in hard times is now gone, and you expect me to just suddenly be happy. Yeah, it doesn't work like that. I've discovered it will take a while for me to be happy after this. Yeah, there are times when I want to not be so sad all the time and not cry so much, but I can't just suddenly be happy. At times it feels impossible to be happy. And a lot of things that used to make me happy don't make me happy anymore. I guess some people haven't had traumatic events that have happened in their life that has put their happiness in question. And not just little things like not getting a perfect grade in a class, big things that send you into depression.
Now I really don't know if anyone reading this cares about my annoyances and musings, but I hope that you will remember to show more courtesy to people dealing with a death close to them, especially suicides. You never know what's going inside their head, and if they want to talk to you about it, then humbly give them suggestions and comfort, but if they don't talk to you about it, then don't probe them further. It will only make them hate you. Which has unfortunately occurred in my case, and I really don't like my Young Women leaders or the girls. I kind of want them to just cease to exist in my world.
Well, I think that's all I have to rant about right now.
~M.B.~
Now these people usually tend to act on a know-it-all way, which really makes me want to just slap them in the face. I haven't been to Young Women's in my ward since this all happened because all of the leaders and the girls act in just this way. There are kind of two halves to this that I've been seeing. 1) They all think that because my best friend committed suicide I'm at super high risk of it
2) They think that I can just suddenly be happy again
Now with 1) it really bugs me a lot. They keep trying to tell me I'm a child of God and I should never forget my worth. Well, great, but I already know that. I've kinda been LDS my whole life, and I've had what you just said ground into my head for the past 16 years. And I must point out that the 3 suicides that have occurred in PG over the past school year have had no relation to each other, in other words, none of them knew each other personally. I really hate when people get themselves all psyched out that I'm going to kill myself or something and so they try to preach to me 24/7 and drown me in quotes about life, and keep sharp/dangerous objects away from me. Like seriously people, could you get any less logical? I'm not going to sporadically stab myself while I'm cutting a watermelon or anything.
Now, 2). The cliche thing for LDS people to say after someone is affected by a death seems to be, "Don't worry, you'll see them again. Just be happy." Now I realize that that is just about the worst thing to say to someone that is dealing with this. My best friend, one of the joys of my life who made laugh in hard times is now gone, and you expect me to just suddenly be happy. Yeah, it doesn't work like that. I've discovered it will take a while for me to be happy after this. Yeah, there are times when I want to not be so sad all the time and not cry so much, but I can't just suddenly be happy. At times it feels impossible to be happy. And a lot of things that used to make me happy don't make me happy anymore. I guess some people haven't had traumatic events that have happened in their life that has put their happiness in question. And not just little things like not getting a perfect grade in a class, big things that send you into depression.
Now I really don't know if anyone reading this cares about my annoyances and musings, but I hope that you will remember to show more courtesy to people dealing with a death close to them, especially suicides. You never know what's going inside their head, and if they want to talk to you about it, then humbly give them suggestions and comfort, but if they don't talk to you about it, then don't probe them further. It will only make them hate you. Which has unfortunately occurred in my case, and I really don't like my Young Women leaders or the girls. I kind of want them to just cease to exist in my world.
Well, I think that's all I have to rant about right now.
~M.B.~
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