I'm gonna kinda rant a bit right now

Well, about 3 and a half weeks ago, my dear and best friend Logan committed suicide.. I'm not going to go into much detail about it here, cuz I only trust certain people with all the personal feelings and emotions that have been going on in my head lately.  I am going to rant about something though: people that try to understand or comfort people in situations they know absolutely nothing about.

Now these people usually tend to act on a know-it-all way, which really makes me want to just slap them in the face. I haven't been to Young Women's in my ward since this all happened because all of the leaders and the girls act in just this way. There are kind of two halves to this that I've been seeing. 1) They all think that because my best friend committed suicide I'm at super high risk of it
2) They think that I can just suddenly be happy again

Now with 1) it really bugs me a lot. They keep trying to tell me I'm a child of God and I should never forget my worth. Well, great, but I already know that. I've kinda been LDS my whole life, and I've had what you just said ground into my head for the past 16 years.  And I must point out that the 3 suicides that have occurred in PG over the past school year have had no relation to each other, in other words, none of them knew each other personally. I really hate when people get themselves all psyched out that I'm going to kill myself or something and so they try to preach to me 24/7 and drown me in quotes about life, and keep sharp/dangerous objects away from me. Like seriously people, could you get any less logical?  I'm not going to sporadically stab myself while I'm cutting a watermelon or anything.

Now, 2).  The cliche thing for LDS people to say after someone is affected by a death seems to be, "Don't worry, you'll see them again. Just be happy." Now I realize that that is just about the worst thing to say to someone that is dealing with this. My best friend, one of the joys of my life who made laugh in hard times is now gone, and you expect me to just suddenly be happy. Yeah, it doesn't work like that.  I've discovered it will take a while for me to be happy after this. Yeah, there are times when I want to not be so sad all the time and not cry so much, but I can't just suddenly be happy. At times it feels impossible to be happy. And a lot of things that used to make me happy don't make me happy anymore. I guess some people haven't had traumatic events that have happened in their life that has put their happiness in question. And not just little things like not getting a perfect grade in a class, big things that send you into depression.

Now I really don't know if anyone reading this cares about my annoyances and musings, but I hope that you will remember to show more courtesy to people dealing with a death close to them, especially suicides. You never know what's going inside their head, and if they want to talk to you about it, then humbly give them suggestions and comfort, but if they don't talk to you about it, then don't probe them further. It will only make them hate you. Which has unfortunately occurred in my case, and I really don't like my Young Women leaders or the girls. I kind of want them to just cease to exist in my world.

Well, I think that's all I have to rant about right now.

~M.B.~