Hi. I'm gay. Just to let you know. I'm also confused. Some people say it's okay, and some people say I should fight it. But, I just really wanted to rant a bit in a very organized way, and just to let people maybe have a small glimpse into my world.
1. Don't say I chose this.
Because I didn't. Why would I ever choose to be so confused and conflicted and hurt as I am now?
2. Don't try to avoid me just because of this learned information.
Just like straight girls aren't attracted to every man in the world, I am not attracted to every woman in the world.
3. Don't say that if I pray a lot, then I can 'magically' be attracted to men again.
It doesn't work like that. I completely understand that it may seem so strange and alien to you that I am not attracted to men, or just someone of the opposite gender. But, see, to me it seems so alien to be attracted to men. It is foreign and makes absolutely no logical sense to me. Most people seem to have a very hard difficulty understanding that, which is okay, as long as they do not say anything along the lines of the above statement.
4. Don't say specifically to me, "Don't you want a family?"
Because I don't. At least not now. It seems very foreign to me. Probably because I am not attracted to men. I have never been able to understand/judge a cuteness factor of a guy. It makes me shudder to imagine myself marrying a man. I'm sure that seems really, really weird to you, but that's honestly how I feel.
5. Don't call me a sinner.
I haven't actually done anything seriously wrong in any way. It's just thoughts.
That's all I can think of right now that really bothers me. Also, I really need someone to talk to. Face to face. Someone who will listen to me, instead of trying to counsel me on things that they will never understand. Really, being gay is not something you can ever, ever understand unless you actually feel those feelings. Also, if anybody reading this happens to be of the LDS faith, you might want to know that I am considering being excommunicated. The LDS church is so centered around families, and I feel very excluded and like I don't belong there. Also, many of the people I know in this church have created the need for the rants above. I am open to listening to constructive comments on this, though. I am totally open to hearing any reasons of why I shouldn't leave.
Please, please, please someone talk to me. It's been way too long since I've actually had a good talk with someone that I trust.
~M.B.~
Hey there. It makes me sad that people have said things that make you feel like you don't belong and have the above rants. It also makes me sad that, as gathered by above rants, that people judge you extremely, without knowing what an amazing person you are. I hope you change your mind about excommunication, because I know there are other LDS members who know what you are going through, personally. But if you decide to it's your choice to make and no one else's. I don't know what else to say other than I'm here if you need someone to talk to.
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